Have you ever realized that you caused yourself most of the painful experiences you’ve had? Ever asked yourself why you went to that direction even if you knew that you’ll end up hurting? If you haven’t, I think you should talk to yourself more.
I’ve been causing myself useless hurt recently. It was addicting, I can’t stop. I didn’t know how to stop. The pain in my heart was somehow keeping me alive. It gave me purpose, or so I thought.
Until it hit me. That I could live without the pain. That it really is useless. That the less I care, the more I’ll be happy.
But it feels incomplete. Unanswered. Like a cliff hanger in a movie ending. Do I really need answers when I know they’d hurt? Maybe yes. I guess. I think. I know. Maybe. I want answers to questions that are hard to verbalize. But they need to be asked in exchange of my silence. My peace.
Perhaps behind the door of answers is a room of peace. And the key to this room of pain that I’m locked in, is You.
jehangesta 
Oh… the less you care, the more you will be happy.. I love that thought… and the rest… and I know you will find a way to let the pain go easily… and perhaps even find that the key is actually you….x
Thank you. I did find that only I can stop myself from hurting. I’m glad I learned. Though sometimes I still find a way to cause it to myself, online friends like you help a lot in helping me move forward.